Justin Lamb

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Tue, 15 May 2012 14:46:43 -0400

JLamb, did you delete your twitter? I used to enjoy your tiny hilariousnesses.

Sat, 12 May 2012 20:16:40 -0400

Indeed I did. The tinyness of that place was scary - like being stuck in a sandwich bag or a Crown Royal pouch.

jonbershad: johnztownsend: I was kind of a different person in...

Sat, 12 May 2012 20:07:37 -0400

johnztownsend:

I was kind of a different person in the 90’s.

All cool people! Watch JZT as one of the many guest stars in the big Kindly Midwesterner finale!

I am literally watching this right now and said “Is that John Zachary Townsend?”

Katey ever great. See her show, no all of them. Do not doubt,...

Sat, 12 May 2012 19:59:37 -0400

Katey ever great.

See her show, no all of them.

Do not doubt, just go.

Movie Rumor I’m Trying To Start In the (allegedly...

Sat, 12 May 2012 12:39:00 -0400

Movie Rumor I’m Trying To Start

In the (allegedly upcoming) Ant Man movie, Dr. Henry Pym is experimenting with new forms of artificial intelligence. He is recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D. in the obligatory post-credits scene. He then uses his research to make a self-aware robot out of a retired Agent Coulson life model decoy - which becomes The Vision.

Thanks to Joe Starr for sparking this idea.

Thanks to everyone who came out to The Gospel of Judas last...

Sat, 12 May 2012 11:50:52 -0400

Thanks to everyone who came out to The Gospel of Judas last night! If you missed it, tonight is your last chance to catch the show at the Brick in Williamsburg!

Johnna, Joey and I finally settled one of New York’s...

Fri, 11 May 2012 10:28:00 -0400

Johnna, Joey and I finally settled one of New York’s greatest debates at Lloyd Night last week. I present the results in chart form.

"Dolph Lundgren is [an ex-Marine], and one night he gets attacked by ninjas in his house and falls..."

Fri, 11 May 2012 08:55:09 -0400

“Dolph Lundgren is [an ex-Marine], and one night he gets attacked by ninjas in his house and falls with the ninjas into a vortex back in time. And then it turns out it’s fifty years after ‘In The Name Of The King’ ended, and [fantasy land] Ehb is destroyed, and Jason Statham and everybody who was in the first part got wiped out… And Dolph is the son of Jason Statham, and he was sent into the future and brought up in an orphanage, because the parents felt they would all die. So he is basically the last survivor of the kingdom…”

- Uwe Boll made a sequel to In the Name of the King and this is the “plot”

The sketch/play/show I wrote, The Gospel of Judas is going to be...

Thu, 10 May 2012 10:19:54 -0400

The sketch/play/show I wrote, The Gospel of Judas is going to be at the Brick Theater in Williamsburg this weekend. The show is only $5, in a great post-show drinks neighborhood and you can reserve tickets at: https://web.ovationtix.com/trs/pr/913627

If you’ve seen the show and liked it and felt so compelled to reblog this post to spread the word, then may the Great Cosmic Mercenary always protect you!

Author R.L. Stine on writing for children and his critics.

Wed, 09 May 2012 12:08:00 -0400

Author R.L. Stine on writing for children and his critics.

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Tue, 08 May 2012 11:13:03 -0400

The Gospel of Judas, a little play I wrote, returns to the Brick...

Mon, 07 May 2012 11:16:01 -0400

The Gospel of Judas, a little play I wrote, returns to the Brick theater in Williamsburg this Friday and Saturday night. You might want to do that whole reservations thing since we sold out last time. Buy your tickets now at: https://web.ovationtix.com/trs/pr/913627

I loved the 90s. We all dressed like fishermen at a rave.

Sat, 05 May 2012 14:16:06 -0400

I loved the 90s. We all dressed like fishermen at a rave.

A week from today, The Gospel of Judas returns to the Brick...

Fri, 04 May 2012 17:31:23 -0400

A week from today, The Gospel of Judas returns to the Brick theater in Williamsburg!

You might want to do that whole reservations thing, we sold out last time. Buy your tickets now at: https://web.ovationtix.com/trs/pr/913627

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Fri, 04 May 2012 16:46:05 -0400

Graceland returns to UCB East next Wednesday at 7pm! Make your...

Fri, 04 May 2012 12:18:33 -0400

Graceland returns to UCB East next Wednesday at 7pm! Make your reservations here!

Johnny Velvet + The Moonbeams return for our monthly show at the...

Fri, 04 May 2012 11:09:03 -0400

Johnny Velvet + The Moonbeams return for our monthly show at the Triple Crown on Thursday, May 17th at 9:30pm with Scoresby, Victory Job, Air Van Gogh and special guest Matt Singer!

“But something about Jesus kept bothering me.” Have...

Thu, 03 May 2012 18:07:23 -0400

“But something about Jesus kept bothering me.”

Have you heard the good news? The Gospel of Judas, a short sketch/play thing I wrote, is back! After a sold out night at the Magnet Theater, The Gospel of Judas returns for two nights at the Brick Theater in Williamsburg!

Next Friday, May 11th and Saturday, May 12th at 10:30pm on both nights.

Tickets are just $5 and you can buy yours now at: https://web.ovationtix.com/trs/pr/913627

I would have put my money on “Kevin.”

Wed, 02 May 2012 12:17:02 -0400

I would have put my money on “Kevin.”

Administrative Ninja Seeks Village to Protect

Wed, 02 May 2012 11:07:24 -0400

I found this listing on Craigslist. It’s all pretty standard hiring language, until the very end, where it prompts applicants to answer the following three questions:

1. Why you are interested in working for Panjiva

2. Why you feel that you would be perfect for this position

3. Why you’re awesome

…and then the ad gives this warning.

WARNING: Generic cover letters, along with the resumes that accompany them, will be immediately discarded. Life’s too short to work with generic people, don’t you think?

Well said HR. Life is too short indeed. So, here’s the cover letter I sent.

—————————————————————————————————-

We begin with a haiku.

Start-up needing help,

Your cries are heard in the night,

I bring my own pen

Clearly your village has fallen into trouble. As a ronin of the administrative arts, I help those who are ailing or in need. My skills are legendary and I would be happy to lend them to you for a salary that is commensurate with my experience, as well as benefits. I do not need housing as I have a dojo in Brooklyn.

Why I am perfect for this position? As a great Victorian detective once said - “There is nothing as deceptive as an obvious fact.” I have enclosed my resume for you in the DOC format as well as this photo, that I feel is representative of my skills.

If by now, you do not feel as though I have answered question number 3, then your village is too far gone for my assistance and your only hope may be to call on the assistance of the Goryō*

If you think your village may have some use for me, feel free to contact me via email, phone, or Enchanted Conch Horn.

-Justin Lamb

*vengeful Japanese ghosts from the aristocratic classes, especially those who have been martyred.